The Joke Thread

[CadburyMan]

Fish in a barrel

[gillsfan1066]

I admit it, Fish in a Barrel,I just don't get the joke,I can not connect Greaves , his Sister, or The Three Degrees with a battery and a clock,sorry explain PLEASE.
.

[CadburyMan]

Jimmy Greaves - famous footballer

Freda Greaves - read Three Degrees - singing trio of the 1970s

[CadburyMan]

Is it for a clock / is it four o'clock

[gillsfan1066]

Oh sorry I should have told you I got that joke when you first posted it so don't bother explaining it, I got a bit confused with the three degrees bit (and I still am) so if anyone else who isn't as smart as me didn't get it, give me a shout and I will explain it too you in words of one syllable.

[CadburyMan]

My wife walked into the kitchen and said, "didn't you hear me ? I just fell down the stairs!"

I replied, "sorry love , I thought it was just the start of Eastenders ......!"

[gillsfan1066]

I get , I get it, I get that one, I just typed in Eastender theme tune and there it was on my computer, Dah Dah Dah Dum, Dummmmm, Dee Dee Dee DUMMM DEE ,DUM . It is so much easier to understand than the clock joke I still don't get.
It is amazing your wife was the original woman who first fell down the stairs so they could record that sound to start the show, what's it like having a famous wife ? Was she working at the Elstree Studios in the stunt business when you first met her, or did she just do it as a hobby like stamp collecting ,or coin collecting ?
Is it something she still does often , fall down the stairs I mean ? Does she do it as a party piece when you have guests over, or does she just like to practise incase they have to re-record it if the tape gets lost, or someone tapes over it ? Is there a video on Youtube of her doing it ? Dah Dah Dah Dum Dum,bum de bum de bum de bum bum.

[CadburyMan]

You'll have to keep working on the battery/clock joke my friend. I will only explain it if you send me 10 whole english pounds

[lidbid46]

Mable and Freda, two very old ladies, had both died and met at the gates of heaven. Freda said to Mabel, ‘oh hi Mabel, what happened to you?’ ‘I froze to death’, Mabel replied, ‘but it wasn’t too bad. First I got really cold but then I just got sleepy and just drifted away. But tell me, what happened to you?!’ Freda answered, ‘well, I convinced myself that my husband was having an affair. I rushed home intending to catch him at it but he was just sitting there watching the Gills on TV. So I went all over the house manically searching for his other woman. I looked in all the rooms, under the beds, in the cupboards, I even climbed into the loft, and then I had a massive heart attack.’ ‘Oh,’ said Mabel with a grimace, ‘shame you didn’t look in the bloody freezer, then we’d both still be alive!!’

[gillsfan1066]

Talking of Old people ,I was recently heard a story of some old guys having a drink in the bar and talking about their kids. One said I am so proud of my Son he is a priest, when he walks in the room everyone calls him Father. One of the others says my son is a Bishop when he walks in a room everyone calls him Your Grace. My son chirps another is a Cardinal,when he walks in the room everyone calls him Your Eminence. My kids The Pope said one of them in a bored voice, when he walks in a room everyone calls him Your Holiness. A guy sitting at the nexr table looks over and says My Daughter has 40D breasts, a 24 inch waist, 34 inch hips and legs that go on forever,when she walks in a room everyone says JESUS.