The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue Feb 22, 2022 9:37 pm

I went on Mastermind, and my specialist subject was The Beatles.

I didn't get a single question correct.

I should have known better.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Tue Feb 22, 2022 11:29 pm

What a day, it rained all damn day ,I had to be outside in it for almost and hour, then when we were writing a report a bit later my partner said do I put ignorance or apathy in this report for the guy ,what's the difference ? I said I don't know and I really don't care.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby lidbid46 » Wed Feb 23, 2022 4:46 pm

Here’s one for Gillsfan; some good old British history.

Ann Boleyn was found guilty of treason, but her less well known brother Wom was found not guilty and went free.

I’ll leave that one for you to work out Gillsfan!!
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Wed Feb 23, 2022 8:38 pm

Oh come on guys, if your going to TRY to make it difficult put some serious effort into it, that one was so obvious, you missed the r out of his name, he was a worm called George and wriggled free.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Feb 24, 2022 8:07 am

I was sat in my kayak next to the bank and a bloke came up to me and said, "Will you move please, I need to get to the ATM!"
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Feb 24, 2022 9:36 am

Car Rental Company ? I watch UK TV more than US TV.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Feb 24, 2022 2:04 pm

Nope
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sat Feb 26, 2022 12:26 pm

You were in Venice ? Somewhere on the English Canals,Braunstone or Birmingham ? There was a flood in Cadbury-land,the streets were 18 inch deep in water,you paddle downtown to the bank, the sun came out and dried up all the rain and left you sitting outside the bank grounded ?
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sat Feb 26, 2022 2:01 pm

OK back to Anne Boleyn and her brother Won Boleyn, and their Happy Home on Wimbledon Common,(OK it did take me a bit of time to get it ,lol) By the way there is a certain Mr. Wom Boline living in Canada, (seriously), he has something to do with the Porn Industry, and he recently wrote a letter that was read out to the Canadian Parliament explaining why you can't stop something that needs to be stopped,blah,blah,blah, in the business. Easy Mrs L, easy, yeah Gods that woman's excitable, no wonder poor old Mr.L looks a shadow of his former self since he retired, he is home all day at her beck and call. When he was a teacher, he had all day to recover, but not now, jeezz ,and he thought he would be pottering around the garden pruning his roses while she cuts the lawn with the old hand pushed mower once he retired.
Now that Spring is on the horizon I can hear him doing his best Freddy Truman impression (ask your Grandfather) , " Getem cricket whites out for me Mootherr, give em a hand wash in the sink with that there Tide stuff ".
Not many people know this ,but he dresses up in his whites, practises playing around with his googlies trying to swing them left and right in the bedroom every night , drives the poor woman crazy all that bang bang banging against the wardrobe door. He might only use a tennis ball, but after it hits the wicket he painted on her best bedroom furniture , and he has leapt into the air shouting HOWZAT''S, a few dozen times there is no chance she can get to sleep , all hot and bothered after an adrenaline rush like that
It's easy to see why the lads gone from almost 200 lbs and singing Baritone , to 130 lbs and singing Mezzo-Soprano in the church choir, but it's his own fault. I will tell yu this , it's not a pretty sight when he tries to sing his favorite song, Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush (ask your Mother) at the monthly church Karaoke Night. Halfway through the second verse of that it becomes pretty obvious to one and all Mrs. L won't be seeing any Googlies for a couple of nights, or days for that matter.
Anyway I guess I got that question right, now back to that damn KAN NOO question.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue Mar 01, 2022 9:16 am

Watching Basic Instinct the Missus said to me "Without that figure, blonde hair, sexy legs and flawless complexion what would Sharon Stone be?".

I said "She'd be you".
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