The Joke Thread

[gillsfan1066]

Starting on the 1/1/2023 San Francisco Gives Residence 97 Genders To Choose From On An Official Document that gives low income Transgender residents (GIFT, Guaranteed Income For Trans People) $1200 a month (992 pounds) for 18 months. The choices range from are you...a woman....,a T Boy, a T-Girl, ....Multi Gender....Transgender non decided....and on and on and on, and this from a city that is officially broke,in the State of California ,that's broke;

[CadburyMan]

Picked up a bargain at Lidl today..

Wolf Meat was on sale..

So I bought a pack.

[gillsfan1066]

Going around here at the Golf Club is the story of the woman that answers the telephone at a company in Southampton called Mike Hunts Whistles that makes whistles for Gun Dog Training etc. I said rubbish but I seemed to be out numbered about 25 to 1. Is it true or all a joke does anyone know ?

[sotongill]

Going around here at the Golf Club is the story of the woman that answers the telephone at a company in Southampton called Mike Hunts Whistles that makes whistles for Gun Dog Training etc. I said rubbish but I seemed to be out numbered about 25 to 1. Is it true or all a joke does anyone know ?

Seems to be a legit company , but based in South Africa , not Southampton .

Closest we had here was a Unigate milkman who had his name , Mike Hunt , on the front of his float , when i'm sure his employers would have let him display it as Michael instead .

[CadburyMan]

Genie: What's your first wish?

Graham: I want you to make me rich.

Genie: Granted! What's your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money this time.

[gillsfan1066]

My Buddy was telling me the other night he looked around his house and said to his wife , you know hon, 40 years ago we lived in a dump , I drove a crap car ,ate fast food, slept on a pull out couch ,watched a 14 inch TV with 3 channels , but I went to bed with a hot sexy 21 year girl. I have worked my ass off all my life, I live in a million dollar home, drive a new Mercedes , I eat at great restaurants ,got a wonderful bedroom, big screen TV's with 200 channels,, but now I am going to bed with a 61 year old woman. He looked at his wife and said, I don't think your keeping up your end of the bargain . His wife, a very understanding woman smiled, gently tapped his hand and said , honey you should go out and find a 21 year to sleep with, and me and my lawyer will make sure you will soon be living in a dump, driving a crap car, sleeping on a pull out couch, and eating fast food while watching a TV with no cable channels .........Aren't wives wonderful at making us see things as they really are ?

[CadburyMan]

I was in Tesco in Guernsey and asked where the potatoes were.

I was told they were in the next aisle so I hopped on the Jersey ferry

[CadburyMan]

Today, I'm going to drink a lot of beer, play a bit of football, speak in a Northern Irish accent and shag Miss World.

Saturday's always bring out the Best in me...

[gillsfan1066]

The following are all reply's Detroit Michigan (Motown) women gave on applications for Child Support ,when asked who the Father of the child or children was. All are 100% true. You have to love number 3,number 6 and 7.

1) Regarding to the Father(S) of my TWINS, Makeeshia was Fathered by Amarli McKinly , I am not sure who the Father of Marlinda is ,but I believe she was Fathered on the same night ,but by who I don't know.
2) I don't know the identity of my daughters Father but he drove a BMW which now has a hole in the door panel caused by my stiletto. Perhaps you could contact the local
BMW dealers to see if it has been fixed ,then you would know what his name is.
3) I still live with my Mother and Father, who are helping me with this form. I have never had sex,I am still a VIRGINIAN, we have written to the Pope,and are waiting for a letter confirming my sons conception was ejaculate and he is the Saver risen again.
4) I do not know the name of my sons Father as Mexicans all look the same to me.
5) Tyrone Harrison is the Father of my child A, if you catch up with him can you AXE him what he did with my AC/DC CD,s. Child B who was born on the same date as child A,I don't have a clue,but you might want to talk to Tyrone's brother and his best friends.
6) From the dates it seems my daughter was conceived at Disney World, maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom
7) So much about that night is a blur,the only thing I remember was Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening . If I had stayed in instead of going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.
8) I am unsure who the Father of my daughter Destiny is,after all when you eat a can of bake beans you don't know which one made you fart.
THESE ARE 100% GENUINE.

[CadburyMan]

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times."
"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side."
"You know what?"
"What, dear?" his wife asked gently

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"I think you are bad luck."