The Joke Thread

[CadburyMan]

I said to my cat "I would love to be able to talk like you. Could you teach me how?"

He said, "Of course. To start with, the 'h' is silent..."

[CadburyMan]

Just bought a 75 inch TV to watch the Premier League season next season.

I've just opened the box and there are no Leeds....

[CadburyMan]

If Watson isn't the most famous British doctor

Then who is.

[CadburyMan]

I recently read that on average, Paul Scally receives 2 turds in the post every week.

Now, what I want to know, is . .

.

. . . Who's sending him the other one?

[CadburyMan]

I didn't know what to get my 9 year old scouse nephew for his Birthday, so I put 20 quid in his Nan's purse.

[CadburyMan]

I do feel sorry for Hank Marvin…

Everyone he introduces himself to must offer him a sandwich or something.

[CadburyMan]

Last Christmas I gave my granddad a prostitute and a duvet, which surprised him as he'd actually asked for a tartan blanket.