The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Fri May 20, 2022 9:25 am

Three mischievous old grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home in Chicago when an old man walked by.

One of the old ladies called out, saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man responded, “There is no way you can.”
One of the women said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

They asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three ladies happily yelled in unison…


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“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Mon May 30, 2022 6:48 am

BBC News:


Rare Picasso sells for £106 million.


Who the hell would pay that for a Citroën?
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue May 31, 2022 6:34 am

Who’s in favour of bringing back Roman numerals?

I for one.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Wed Jun 08, 2022 1:14 am

OK CHUCK, how do you know that those old women were sitting opposite my house, they said no one was watching ? I think having Roman numerals for names would be fun.
You could be I, (full name IC) Mr.L could be II, (full name IIL ),I could be III (EYE EYE EYE Skipper) , and Mr.G could be IV, a nice boy of a day time,but once home indoors of an evening and the 15 children are in bed, he could wear his wife's dresses and heels and would only answer to the name Ivy. Just joking Mr.G. Dam life is boring without the Gills playing.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Wed Jun 08, 2022 7:30 am

"Dam life is boring without the Gills playing."

But all we do is moan when they are !
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Sun Jun 12, 2022 7:42 pm

If Elton John thinks "Sorry" is the hardest word he wants to try saying


Llanfairpwllgwyllgorndrobwillantysiliohogogoch
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Tue Jun 21, 2022 2:13 pm

The teacher said to Johnny,what does your father do? Johnny says he's a magician. What sort of things does he do said the teacher. He saws people in half said Johnny. That's interesting the teacher said,have you got any brothers or sisters.

Yes said Johnny I've got a half brother and two half sisters.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Thu Jun 30, 2022 9:16 am

I just found an old tape,so I played it!

I wouldn’t recommend it at all.

Head Cleaner- - Worst band ever.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:36 am

A man in Moscow was lining up along with 200 other people to get his money out of the bank. After several hours he blew up said sod this stupid war , that's it , I am off to the Kremlin to kill Putin.He returns a couple of hours later, someone says what happened,he said the line there was longer than this one.

The US President calls Putin and says I had a dream last night ,I was in Moscow and it was just like before sanctions, everyone was happy luxury cars drove along the streets,there was laughter and dancing everywhere and giant neon lights on billboards. What did the billboards say asked Putin, how the hell do I know said Biden,I don't speak Ukrainian.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sun Jul 03, 2022 11:49 pm

A drunk standing behind a woman at the check outline in Marianos says you must be a single woman. Startled she looks at the things she has put on the conveyor belt, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, orange juice, bread, cheese, but being single she is intrigued how he would know that in fact she was unmarried. She smiles and says how do you know ? The drunk rocks backwards and forwards a couple of times then says ,..........because your uglier than sh*t,
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