The Joke Thread

Discussion relating to anything not football related

Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Fri Dec 24, 2021 8:53 pm

I love the fact that in our break room at work people name the food they put it in the fridge. This week I had a Tuna sandwich called Linda and Ham and Cheese sandwich called Susan K.

During the Middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies, anyone know if they have anything like that planned for
when this one ends ?

Various City Governments around the World have started removing statues of any white person associated with owning slaves or the slave trade in general, anyone heard if the Egyptian Government has started knocking down the Pyramids yet ?
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Fri Dec 24, 2021 11:08 pm

The car of the year as voted for by the readers of Woman's Own" magazine is.....









A red one
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sun Dec 26, 2021 12:17 am

Buddy said to me last night ,you know marriage is like a deck of cards, in the beginning all you need is a couple of big hearts and a small diamond, after a few years all you want is a big club and a spade.
I have got this new girlfriend , I bought her a Hamster Fur Coat for Christmas, this afternoon we went for a walk down on Navy Pier in Chicago it took me three hours to get her off the damn ferris wheel. I don't think the relationship is going to last, we don't appear to have anything in common , last night we played scrabble and I banged my fist on the board after about the 20th time she put letters down and spelt the word wrong, and I ended up swallowing some of the tiles, it could spell disaster next time I use the bathroom. I spent half of last night defrosting the fridge , she calls it foreplay, eventually she came round and said shall we make a dirty movie, then she got upset because I suggested we should hold auditions for her part. Eventually she said how many women have you slept with, I said just you,all the others kept me awake all night.
The good news is I spent all Christmas afternoon installing a strobe light in the bedroom, at least it will look like she is moving when we have sex tonight.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sun Jan 09, 2022 12:59 am

Went to the Gym today, first time this year, I picked a treadmill next to this 20 something chikie in a real skimpy outfit ,but I was off ,looking good feeling cool began jogging the miles away on that machine. OK,OK to tell the truth watching parts of her bounce up and down was a hell of a lot more fun than me jogging, every time she looked in my direction I was smiling at her. In the end she stopped running and I said What's your New Year's Resolution , she said a naughty F word followed by YOU. So I am pretty excited about this upcoming year already.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sat Jan 15, 2022 3:50 am

I was just thinking a while ago ,when I was a kid my Mom would send me to the corner store with a couple of shillings and I would come back with a loaf of bread, potatoes, a packet of ten John Players number 6 or a small packet of Embassie , and I came home with some candy.and a bottle of R Whites Lemonade , you can't do that now days, too many sodding cameras everywhere.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Wed Jan 19, 2022 11:22 pm

Just went in to the shop and asked, " I'd like a battery please."

The assistanrt replied, "Is it for a clock?"

My response was, " I don't know, that's why I need a battery."
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Thu Jan 20, 2022 12:36 am

Hahaha, that was a good one. ,I don't know if I want it for a clock, hahaha , hands across the water warter ,hands across the sea, Face up to it after all the jokes on here that spring to mind , the minute I read that, no, no,the second I read that I laughed for an hour, the one about the clock is a real doozey. You should be bloody arrested for battery of my sentences I DON'T GET IT.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby CadburyMan » Fri Feb 04, 2022 8:43 am

Jimmy Greaves was famous for playing football in the 1960s

His sister, Freda, was a famous pop star in the 1970s
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby gillsfan1066 » Sat Feb 05, 2022 1:21 am

OK ,either I am suffering from a server concussion, or you are drinking too much, I don't get the originl battery joke and I sure as hell don't get the Jimmy Greaves joke. Someone,anyone tell me the joke.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Postby sotongill » Sat Feb 05, 2022 7:35 pm

gillsfan1066 wrote:OK ,either I am suffering from a server concussion, or you are drinking too much, I don't get the originl battery joke and I sure as hell don't get the Jimmy Greaves joke. Someone,anyone tell me the joke.


Three Degrees - Freda Greaves

Hope this helps :lol:
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